“And what all comes down to is that no one really got it figured out just yet”
“Enough about you, lets talk about life for a while”
I am moody, so I decided to listen to some old Alanis Morissette (hint the quotes). I know, I know, I started this blog not with the intention of being too emotional, but hey, that’s all I am. So that goal was kind of unrealistic. But I think this emotional state might be good for me to talk about because they might be universal: failure, indecision, and the unknown.
I am between who I used to be, who I am, who I want to become, and who it is possible to become. I always focused everything I did to make a difference: went to journalism school to change the world, worked in non profits and social groups to do the little I could do, tried to be vegetarian, buy fair trade, boycott bad corporations… And now? I am not sure why I am not how I used to be. A couple months ago I wrote somewhere that I was getting caught up by life. If there is any meaning I can give to that is that part of the life that I have avoided is running me over. As if we were on a race and I used to be way ahead and now I feel her, life, breathing in my ear. I decided that I will give myself a break and just accept things that come to me, but then I am scared that it will be too late to switch back to the “plans” later.
This last year was one of the best years of my life, yet the one in which things that had never happened to me, happened. I guess life wants me to learn how to cope with failure and frustration of not being who I dreamed to be. I had never failed a class before, I did once I moved to Germany; I have never quit any activity I started, I have this month; I never thought I would not be working for a non profit, I am now; I thought I would never live with my boyfriend before marriage, I have been living with him for the past 5 months (it has been awesome though!). Look, I am not saying all this because I am depressed; I am really not. I really love my life right now. I am just thinking about everything. I feel really free and happy most of the time here. I could not wait until I graduated to be able to spend some time doing things that did not had to be done, such as traveling on the weekends without worrying about homework =)
This post was I wondering whom I will become now, as a “real” adult, since (clearly) life surprises us and nothing is how we had planned.